


rock-a-bye

by kxtsukiyuri



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Miscarriages, Other, breif mentions of blood, major angst, so much angst people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8331547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxtsukiyuri/pseuds/kxtsukiyuri
Summary: One of my friends was tormenting me with angsty headcanons of how various members of RFA would react to MC having a miscarriage, so here we are.





	1. rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop

You had booked yourself a doctor’s appointment in secret after noticing blood in your underwear about 2 months into your pregnancy. This was your first time trying for a child, but you knew that probably wasn't normal. You purposely picked a day where you knew Yoosung would have too many appointments at his clinic to take you, so you rode the bus. He was so excited and so eager to help you with everything that you didn't want to worry him about it just yet. The doctor quickly referred you to an OB/GYN, leading to another secret appointment. You couldn't help but feel incredibly nervous as you sat in the waiting room, glancing around at the other couples and people there while you fidgeted uncomfortably. Soon enough, your name was called and you went to go see what was wrong.

*****

When you arrived home after your appointment, you were exhausted from having cried in the parking lot for a while. You'd begun to cry upon leaving the office, and someone of the people in the waiting room offered you sympathetic words on your way out.

   "Welcome home, honey!” Yoosung’s voice coming from the kitchen startled you as you hung up your purse and jacket. “I got off work early so I could make dinner. Gotta make sure you keep healthy.” You bit your lip and held back a pained noise. After you didn't respond, Yoosung was with you at the door, still wearing his apron from cooking dinner. He cupped your cheek gently, turning you to face him.

   “[Y/N]? What's wrong?” You looked up at him, then squeezed your eyes shut, pressing your face into his neck and hugging him tightly. He held you as you shook in his arms, confused and concerned.

   “Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here. It's okay.” He tried to soothe you, rubbing your back and and running a hand through your hair. You shook your head, pulling back and wiping your eyes. He led you over to the couch and sat down with you, pulling you close.

   “Now, come on, what's the matter?” He asked softly, holding one of your hands in his own. Tearfully, you told him about the events leading up to your doctor’s appointments and the news you'd received today. While you spoke, you watched his expression crumble away until his face went totally blank. When you’d finished speaking, he nodded slowly, pulling you into another hug.

   “It's okay,” he whispered, holding you close. “It's okay.”

*****

Later that night, long after dinner and bedtime had passed for both of you, Yoosung stood in the middle of little room he had so happily prepared for the baby. He looked at the pastel walls, the perfect little crib in the corner, the small bucket of toys near the closet. He hadn't turned the light on, so the room was only illuminated by the waning moon. He sighed, letting his head drop as he went to the toys. He sat down, picking up a soft pink bunny, all fresh and new and ready to be played with. He turned it over in his hands as he stood, then hurled it at the wall as hard as he could. It bounced off and landed in a beam of moonlight, one of its ears covering its face.

   He looked down at it for a moment, shaking, before walking over and sinking to his knees next to it, picking it up and hugging it to his chest. He didn't notice as tears started to drip down his cheeks, landing on the rug as he trembled, holding the doll tightly. He sat back on his heels, pressing his face into the doll and letting out an anguished cry that had been building up inside him. After that, the floodgates opened and he sobbed openly into the doll, almost not noticing when you stepped into the room. His head snapped up when he heard the click of the switch for the hallway light.

   “I-I —” He tried to speak, wanting to explain what he was doing, but he couldn't summon the words. He looked very much worse for wear. His hair was a mess, his glasses had been knocked askew and were foggy and smeared with tears, and his eyes and face were red. You walked in and knelt next to him, gently pulling the doll out of his hands. His fingers twitched around empty air for a moment as you dropped the tear-soaked doll and pulled a stunned Yoosung into a warm embrace. He continued to sit there, in complete shock. After a little while, he turned to lean into you, clutching the back of your nightgown.

   “I-I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry for you. I'm sorry f-for us.” You rocked back and forth gently, shushing him as he cried and babbled into your shoulder.

   "It'll be okay,” you murmured soothingly. “It'll be okay.”


	2. when the wind blows, the cradle will rock

“Who's my precious little angel? That's right, you are! My precious little sweetie pie.” You laughed as Zen blew a raspberry into the skin of your stomach following his tirade of praise for your unborn baby. 

   "My cute tiny little honey bunches —” his fingers danced along your skin until you finally pulled his hands off. He pouted up at you, kissing your belly a few times. 

   “Sorry. Was I tickling?” You pushed at his head playfully before pulling him up so you could kiss him. 

   “Yes, you were.” Zen pouted, leaning back down and kissing your stomach again. 

   “It's so cute, though, I just can't help myself.” He mumbled against your skin. You snorted, pulling his head back up. 

   “You can and you will. I don't like too much tickling, remember?” Zen sighed, nodding. 

   “Yeah, I remember. I won't tickle any more.” After a moment of consideration, he pressed one last kiss to your stomach before moving back up and kissing you on the lips, softly and gently, making you feel butterflies like you always did when he kissed you like that. Like it was your first kiss all over again, sweet and light. You loved that about him, how he could bring you back to your first moments together even after years had passed. He pulled back and smiled down at you, his crimson eyes shining with an innocent exuberance that was only present when he got to feeling all fatherly. After a moment more, you gently pushed him off of you. 

   “Come on, I have to start dinner.” He nodded and stood, helping you up. 

   “Of course, darling.” He kissed your hand and smiled, walking with you to the kitchen.

  
*****

Zen watched you as you moved back from the toilet hours later, rubbing your back and saying soothing things under his breath. 

   “All done?” He asked softly, handing you a towel. You'd been in there throwing up until you were dry heaving for what felt like ages. After thinking for a moment, you nodded shakily, hauling yourself up off the floor. You nearly fell over after standing, feeling incredibly dizzy for a second, but managed to keep your footing, clumsily reaching for your toothbrush. He cleaned up as you brushed your teeth, feeling embarrassed that he had to clean up your mess. After he was done, he slid in behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder, humming softly. You finished brushing your teeth, then turned and buried your face in his chest, suddenly nervous as you realized something. 

   “Hyun…?” You started to say hesitantly. “The cramps aren't stopping.” He frowned. 

   “But I thought you were done.”

   “I — I am. But these aren't tummy cramps.” You hoped he'd get the idea, and from the way he stiffened a second later, it seemed he did. 

   “But… isn't that… aren't you kind of… busy in there for that to be happening?” You managed a little giggle at his phrasing, then grew somber again. 

   “Yeah. I'm supposed to be.” He nodded slowly, just holding you. 

   “I'll make you a doctor’s appointment before I go to rehearsal tomorrow, okay?”

   “Okay.” You replied, nodding. He sighed softly, kissing your head. 

   “Come on. Let's go back to bed.” He murmured into your hair before leading you back to the bedroom. 

*****

After your appointment, Zen let you sit in the waiting room as you numbly stared into space while he sat next to you, waiting for you to come back to Earth. You got up and walked out on your own after about twenty minutes, Zen following you to the car. You didn't talk to him or even really look at him the whole ride home, but didn't protest when he held your hand. When you got home, you went inside and stood in the entryway until Zen had come in, then leaned into him, breathing out a long sigh. 

   “I think I'm gonna go to bed.” You whispered, your hands clenched tightly in Zen’s sweater. He nodded, stroking your hair. 

   “Do you want me to be with you?” He asked quietly, resting his cheek on your head. You thought for a few minutes. 

   “Maybe. At least until I'm sleeping.” He nodded again. 

   “Whatever you need, my love.”

*****

You jumped slightly as Zen walked into the house while you were having lunch the next day, immediately wondering what he was doing home so early. 

   “Hyun? What are you doing home? I thought you had rehearsal today.” Zen nodded, hanging up his jacket and putting away his shoes before walking over and sitting across from you at the table. 

   “Couldn't concentrate. Director sent me home.” You frowned, reaching across the table to take his hand. 

   “What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself.” He shook his head, resting his cheek on his arm. 

   “Don't wanna talk about it right now.” You frowned, but nodded, patting his hand. 

   “Do you want me to make you something for lunch?” He shook his head again, getting up. 

   “I've got it. Don't bother yourself.” He came around and stood behind you, leaning on your chair and wrapping an arm around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head. 

   “I love you.” He murmured into your hair, closing his eyes. You rested your hands on his, leaning back into his embrace. 

   “I love you too.” You whispered back, feeling emotions start to well up inside you, far-off waves threatening to break. You sat up a bit when you felt something fall on your head, and turned to see that Zen was starting to cry. You stood up and came around the chair, pulling him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, his hands clutching at your shirt. 

   “Hyun, what… what happened?” He shook his head, gasping every time he opened his mouth to try and speak. 

   “I couldn't — couldn't f-focus, kept th-thinking of you a-and — and —” He held you impossibly closer, trembling. “Couldn't st-stop crying, c-couldn't stop, couldn't t-tell the direc-t-tor why, so he sent me ho-me —” He pressed his face into your shoulder, letting out hiccuping sobs as you rubbed his back and stroked a hand through his hair, crying a little yourself because of how much he was. 

   “It's — Honey, it's gonna be okay. I promise, it'll be okay.” You tried to be soothing, but you could hear the uncertainty in your words, could hear the pitiful cracking in your voice. Eventually, he calmed down enough that he wasn't crying anymore and he just held you, rocking back and forth slightly and humming something under his breath. 

   “Let's go get some sleep, okay?” You said gently, pulling back and cupping his cheek in your hand. “I think a nice long nap is definitely called for.” Zen nodded, resting his hand over yours. You smiled and kissed him softly before leading him to the bedroom.


End file.
